Five of Spades

The radio played another old song that I didn’t know.  I was still wondering what station 92.1 was, but no CD or cassette looked good.  I shuffled the cards one more time and started yet another game of solitaire.  Once the cards were dealt, stacked, and moved around I turned over the first three cards from the deck.  The top card was the five of spades, and there was a red six on the board.  The two cards under the five weren’t helpful at the present time, and I had the urge to go through the deck once before playing the five.  Then again, the chances of both fives coming up was slim.  I was locked up in thought, paralyzed by the decision I had to make.

Play the five or wait.

Wait for Biff to call or make other plans.

Plan for the future or let it come.

Come to my senses about my car or squeeze out another year or two.

Two jobs or just keep the one I have now.

Now is the time to look for a new job, or stick with the one?

One more soda, or just drink water?

Water down my hopes and dreams, or renew my sense of purpose in this life?

Life…was the cereal as bad as I remembered it was?

Was I going to die alone in this apartment, or was tonight the night to work on meeting someone?

Someone is out there, or did my someone already meet me and move on?

On this weekend or not?  I can’t remember.

Remember the times I had with her, or forget about that one night.

Night time was made for doing something…anything.

Anything on TV?  Maybe I could play a video game.

Gaming while trying to ask out Cindy was a bad idea.

Ideas are always around, but I never have time.

Time is scarce lately.  That’s a good paycheck.

Paycheck this month?  How much for bills?  How much have I already spent?

Spent some time at the bar a few months ago.  Nothing happened.

Happened to run into Chris from Norton though.  He’s nice.

Nice is what I’m always called, but it seems like women are into bad guys.

Guys from the station might be out.  I wonder if they’ll say something about yesterday.

Yesterday, or was that last week?

Weeks are flying by.  Why am I still here?

Here is pretty good, and there might not be better.  Yet I still want to go there.

There’s a strong wind tonight.  Jacket or a long sleeved shirt?

Shirt with the Cheat on it got attention from that one bartender.  I wonder if she’s working?

Working on a good opening line.  What’s the point?

Pointing out how bad it is…that’s what Biff will do.

Do I think tonight is like any other night?  Maybe I should just watch a movie.

Movies are for Sunday nights.  Friday nights are for…crap, I don’t  know.

Know thy own self, but I don’t see why I should.

Should I just call it a night already? It is close to 8:30 PM.  I could make a trip Saturday.  Sioux Falls sounds keen.

Keen?  Did I just think that?

That’s the phone.

I pick up the phone, and it’s Biff.  Soon, I’m on my way out the door to his apartment, and the cards have been scooped up and put away.  I’ll never know what the right call on the five of spades would have been, other than calling the whole thing an oddly appropriate microcosm of my mind and the many choices that I can’t seem to make on time or correctly.

That was a long time ago, but sometimes those chains of thought still lock me up in my tracks.

I wasn’t sure if I should use this entry, but sometimes you have to play the five.